The Other Mind

Recap - Its been so long...

2007-02-11T21:23:00.000+08:00

Hmmm...I'm like really busy now wragghh!!! Totally spammed with maths homework, and there's still econs to do!! Just dao...Yay i got my piggy pencilbox back.(: Crap this is like totally random! Haha and once again this year i've got nothing to celebrate this year for Valentine's Day! Wheee cost savings incurred...zzz bounty hunter -.-. I know I haven't been diligently mugging my blog so in my next post!!! I shall recap as much as i can about the last 3 months! I'll probably spend 2 hours to pen down everything haha! Soooo busy...zzz I'm like totally mugger mode this year yay!! It's quite a shuang experience and I've rediscovered the fun of learning hoooo!! Hmmm council's gotten a bit better I think, less people slacking around now :D but i'm also slightly guilty): but i do take the initiative to seek out sai gang!!! Zzz i'm supposed to make my campfire report more substantial but I have no idea how...HOW? gwarrr!! and i'm still so sad my angel angel cannot stay!!! T.T She's so nice....): I'll never forget the egg and cheese sandwich she made...sniffle boos stupid school and its stupid pragmatism. Argh I gotta mug vectors now! Sads...no life -.- but i'm going gift shopping tomorrow afternoon yay!!! Wheee!!

Arghhh!!! Stabbed

Boot of God

2006-10-19T17:42:00.000+08:00

The UrBaN MoNk

"There was once a god...and a man. The god placed the man on a mound of dirt to enjoy the scenery, feel the breeze, experience the uplifting sensations. And then the god stepped on the man. The mound was no more. The man did not die. Then the god picked up the man between his last finger and thumb and put him on a small hill. The man enjoyed the scenery, felt the breeze, experiened the uplifting sensations. And then the god stepped on the man again. The hill was no more. Still the man did not die, for the god had given him a spirit that could endure the pain, that knew that the pain made him stronger. And he thanked the god for it. But though he somehow made it through each time, the pain grew exponentially, as each time he was stepped on, the man realised he was trapped in a limbo, to have what he desired snatched away before his very eyes, and then to be crushed into the dirt. Gradually his heart turned to stone, so it was no longer affected by the god, but before its last beating remnants hardened, it shed a tear, one single tiny tear..."

Haha I'm not feeling sad about IT anymore, just anger as usual, anger at the unfairness, well it's probably fair in a way, I've got a loving family, cool friends, food, a nice house, average looks (I think...I dunno...my perceptions are warped), a body and many talents given by God. I couldn't ask for more, but as a greedy disgusting human like the rest of the world's population, I desire more. Remember scarcity in Economics? Unlimited human wants...yup that's it. Still...although I may control my destiny, fate dictates my path. Not much I can do at this point of time except what I want to do!!! Arghhh...it hurts again...

Aphrodite's Curse, God's Gift

2006-10-19T17:40:00.000+08:00

Haiz recieved another shitty piece of news yesterday, all that effort and patience gone to waste. Sunk cause I should say, well it wasn't exactly painful, sad yes, because it's a looped repeated cycle of what's happened to me lets say....my whole life? I don't know what's wrong...is it me? Haha even if it is, F*** you!!! (: I don't give a shit. Ah well...if it is not meant to be then it is not meant to be. No use forcing stuff, the more you compress something the bigger the explosion. Anyway, as this painful demonstration showed, patience can be a real useless bastard at time, 6 whole F***ing months down the drain, 6 months of waiting, and another guy comes waltzing in and VOILA!!! Haha I blame neither of them though, tis' not their fault, it's just my tough luck. Still fate can be such F***er sometimes. Aphrodite's curse I suppose, but it is also a gift from God, blow after blow that I've recieved has made me stronger, the pain isn't as great anymore, and it is somewhat enjoyable even. Truth to be told i'm somewhat relieved, that kind of commitment may probably have been to taxing for me, judging from her character. I now have the freedom to do what I wish, no matter false fronts, no more having to "tone down", and I can style my hair without worries!! I can also focus on training myself now, for dance, body and mind, putting all that anger, injustice, discontentment, disappointment and sadness to good use. Haha for those of you reading this blog who think well this guy is a loser, he's trying to console himself. Hahahaha F*** you!!! If you don't like reading this blog go watch porn or something. Aaaah much better, all that pent-up emotion has been let out, blogging really is useful!! Haha I shall end off with a shitty quote I came up with. "If life kicks dirt into your face, eat it and get full". Btw if you realised the date is wrong, I actually meant to publish this the day before, but blogger's server was down.

Twilight's Chapter 7

2006-10-11T19:47:00.000+08:00

Haha, haven't blogged for a long long time...so sue me -.-. Haha, the feeling's over, just a momentary feeling of admiration i guess. It's all over now anyway. Majorly screwed up promos, don't know if I can even promote, at first I felt it was kind of okay, it might even have been for the best. But now it seems a scary notion, I want to promote with my friends. Ah well, no use hoping I guess, I'll just have to do my best to appeal. But I do so want to promote...): Hmmm my current emotional condition? Apart from being seriously stressed because prom still needs loads more sponsors, it's this girl ( -.- what other reason could there be?) Hmmm...she agreed to go out with me, but i don't know it's if she is actually interested or is it out of pity? I don't know ): it feels like I've been bugging her since April, because I'm always the one to initiate converstations and stuff, but it's so irritating when someone is as passive as her. I just don't get it with Singaporean girls, must they always keep mum no matter what? Must they leave everything to the guy? Can't they take SOME initiative. I mean...I get it when they say too much initiative turns people off, but none at all? Ridiculous! I really feel it is out of pity or probably because she's given in that she's agreed to go out. I hate such situations. I would rather just pretend nothing happened at all than to be in something so one-sided. I hate forcing people. I hate being led on a leash and most of all I hate having my feelings played with, which to some extent is happening right now. Why can't she just make it clear cut? Yes? No? More time? My side? Well I am interested but don't exactly like her. The infuriating thing is, it is like history repeating itself over and over again. Either she goes away or I get played. Nothing ever works out. Well some good stuff has come out of it, I used to feel that all I needed was that one person close to me to cure my loneliness. But because of that lonely feeling I realise how many friends I have by my side, and I hold them dear for that reason, (in no order of importance(: ) zhi ming, jun yu, daphne, gui rong, tian cheng, shuonan, yenni, bobby, chris, hong yi and all the others! You know who you are (: and kudos to those for guessing who's not in my list (; Anyway, I've taken a vow, for my academics and personal growth, not to get involved in such stuff again, as in not go around taking the complete initiative. It's too draining. I may initiate, but for the most part I'll just reciprocate. Blame me for being too naive and expecting certain reactions from the other party but f#%* you. I'm not psychic you know, how am I supposed to understand your "subtle" hints if you give me too few or none at all? I just wanna scream the F word in your face you know that? For all the guessing you made me do and all the pain you caused me. I will steel my heart...I already have, but all is not lost, I just need hope, a sms, a card, wadeva. I can go on and on about how I feel but I'll just be repeating myself again.

Hmmm I'm listening to Jay Chou now, guess the song -.- It's really such a beautiful song. Suspenseful yet elegant. Speaking of which, I'm really enjoying being a dance i/c. Apart from all the parts about keeping tradition. What I really found gratifying on MAF night was to look behind me and see the whole crowd dancing along and having fun, being happy in general. It makes me happy to see them enjoying themselves. Haha and I discovered things about my body I never knew before learning to dance, unlocked certain abilities you would say. It's made dancing a whole lot more enjoyable and appreciating dance almost gives me as much satisfaction as beautiful music. The job rocks! Totally! It also gives me a chance to listen to others comments, which I really appreciate. You can never get enough constructive comments about yourself.

Going to end soon you bored reader (: Haha, anyway I think MAF was brilliant, a uber fantastico piece of art, absolutely stunning. Watching the people's faces light up during grand light-up (Ha see i made a pun! I know...lame -.-) made all the hard work and effort worthwhile even if it was only for 2 hours. Okay... I'll stop here for today! Dinner time! Smells good yummydoo!

The perfect one

2006-07-23T08:59:00.000+08:00

THE PICTURES HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH THE FOLLOWING ENTRY, I JUST NEED TO FULFILL HIMBOTIC TENDENCIES
Sigh...things never go smoothly for my love life...I sorta hinted to her yesterday that i'm interested, but she didn't seem to get the point...:( WHYYYYYY but that's also what i like about her, she's in a sense 'pure'...Sigh...she's pretty, very very nice, sporty, devoted, smart, funny, friendly, kind, sooo cute...OMG she's the whole package AHHHHHH!!!! :( but she doesn't seem interested. She's one of the few people who make me feel completely comfortable to be around. Sigh...I guess i'll just have to let fate take its course...sniff sniff, guess i'll just have to be content to be her friend. I hope she doesn't read this...but that's just dumb isn't it? The reason why people blog is to share their thoughts and feelings with the world population.

Tormented Soul

2006-07-06T18:47:00.000+08:00

I've bled dry and yet I bleed somemore. Tis' a cruel game fate has played on me. Resentment burns in the pit of my stomach. Pain and suffering, my friends who never fail to turn up in my darkest hour. Too long have they kept me company, such that I no longer shun but embrace them instead. They give me life and grant me purpose, soon enough they will consume me and make me stronger. Then i will be untouchable, no one, not even me, can save myself. When that day comes, there will be no happiness, no humour, no joy. I will live out each day in sorrow, despair, disgust and melancholy. I will revel and thrive in the deepest darkest recesses of human emotion. I will never smile again.

Humdeedum

2006-07-05T21:36:00.000+08:00

"Oooo, you touch my tralalala...my ding ding dong" Ha lol, funny song ck sent to me. Anyways, chirpy hoooo!!! *hard gay shaking. Yupyup it's been kinda stressful these past few days what with prom and all, but it's nice to be back with 06s6g again!!! s6g hoooo!!! *More hard gay shaking. Any yups, I'm pretty happy, the dark ages have passed. I get kinda envious sometimes, but got my buddies (and dajie!) and music to keep me company so that kinda thing doesn't realy seem impt la. And it's 10 weeks to promos!!! OMGWTF horrigible de skool totally messed up our lives lar. Anyways gotta get cracking, mugger transform!!! NO MORE DOTA....arghhhh *withdrawal spasms, foams at the mouth* muz control...shit I feel like pole dancing since I can't DOTA, too bad there's no audience....Oh and here's a pic of my alter ego SIR HIMBO (on the right)

Sadded

2006-06-29T17:51:00.000+08:00

:( Back to school, same ol' same ol'. It's so stale, but then again, life's what you make of it. I think i'm going to get three F's and one D for my blocks so I gotta improoove...disgusting word, so ez to say yet so hard to do. Ah well, feeling a tad lonely again, but some nice music can fix that. Hmmm...Just came back from Eskimoo, ice-cream parlour near my place. Not as nice and cosy and clean and delicious and yummy as Island Creamery but hey, i'm not complaining ( I just complained...>.<). Haven't blogged for so long, but whenever I blog I feel sad (I dunno why, probably recalls all the sad emotions/ memories. Down with flu again (my new alias is rudolph XD)...zzz it started the moment I started studying yesterday. Horrible horrible allergy towards lecture notes. Well,,,, the good thing is I'm actually sorta looking forward to studying. It's time to get serious...muhaha

Untouchable

2006-05-12T09:23:00.000+08:00

This is it...the verdict is out, if I am destined to be alone, so it shall be. It is for the best anyway, without distractions, my mind is clear. Without emotions, my heart is dead. Without obligations, my soul is at ease. A small price to pay for such freedom. Apathy and contempt shall bind me for the next two years. Shackles of disgust and hatred will weigh me down to the ground as well. Freedom in restraint, happiness in hatred, ironic yet true

The Fallen

2006-05-09T17:48:00.000+08:00

Hmmm...still feel hollow today, my soul, mind and body are intact but there's this hollowness in my heart that leaves room for no one. Very weird, no desire for company, no fear of loneliness, yet I do not wish to be alone. This is no phase in life, it is a result of circumstances. I do not embrace it, yet it gives me a feeling of empowerment, to feel no love, no desire. It makes me sad, yet through this sadness I find peace of mind, the peace I need to work. No one matters anymore. It's now going to rain, a heavy downpour of tears from the sky, to celebrate my sadness. The dark masses of clouds race across the sky, enveloping all that was once bright and cheerful. Lightning streaks across the shady sky, flashes of anger at the injustice of this world. Thunder looms in the distance, heralding the storm, and what comes after...

Hollow

2006-05-08T22:22:00.000+08:00

Hmmm...I don't know why, I just feel so empty inside, so drained. All I want to do is just to work and sleep, nothing else matters anymore. I'm thinking whether i should pursue matters of the heart, but when i search for the epicentre of emotion, all I find is one big gaping crater, devoid of any feeling or form. The knowledge of such a void hurts, but in a way the void heals this pain. I'm tired of this realm, tired of this illusion that I live in, tired of waiting...

Cold

2006-04-19T22:12:00.000+08:00

Bah....got a cold again, so woozy...bleagh, damn tired still. Slept 4 hours in the afternoon and still feel so tired. My eyes are puffy...X(. Ah well...I'm a monolith, muahahaha, this puny flu can't stop me from mugging!!! *Snore....

Me, myself and I

2006-04-19T21:56:00.000+08:00

Who is this?
Who am I?
Who will I be?
Who was I?
I live not in the present
nor exist in the past
Blood and veins and bones
are but a shell that grows
I make no conscious effort
the story of my life just flows
Is this what's called destiny
Is this what's called fate
To know not what life is
till you're at death's gate

Mud Pie! Yummy!

2006-04-12T22:03:00.000+08:00

Awww, someone(Pox) was sooo nice today...Hmmm, she treated me to mud pie! Awww so un-meanish. I shall stop here for today, lest her head explodes and I can't tease her anymore 8(

Reborn

2006-04-11T20:13:00.000+08:00

Ashes to ashes,
I rise from the dust.
The past still hurts,
the danger still lurks.
But i proceed,
with little care,
because I hope,
my true friends are there.
They are not cowards,
they do not hide.
They do not run
away from the tide.

And as I live,
older each day.
A new foe awakens.
ME